Fighting Fairly

Communication serves to increase one's understanding of ideas, feelings, etc. Understanding does not have to mean agreement. When disagreements occur in relationships, the goal is to change the problem situation without violence.

Tips for Fighting Fairly:

• Know what it is you are arguing about
• Know what it is you are arguing about
• Describe the problem behavior.
• Do not attack the person.
• Do not bring up past problems, stay in the present.
• Ask for feedback.
• Don't destroy things, especially things that are meaningful to the other person.
• There is never an excuse for hitting, slapping, or other forms of abuse.
  Don't argue while using drugs or alcohol.
• "Time-outs" are o.k. when tension is mounting.
• No name calling.
• Work out a flexible solution.
• Commit to follow through.
• Define one issue/concern.
• Stick to one issue.
• Describe how the problem affects you--your feelings.
• Don't "tell" a person how they think or feel.
• Argue without interruptions (TV, phone).
• Threats and bribes have no place.
• Humor is o.k., but don't ridicule the other person.
• Don't bring in a third person.
• Say positive things about the problem or the person.
• Once decided, realize, the decision is not permanent. You can renegotiate.
• Try to settle things, at least temporarily, in 30 minutes.
• Actively work toward an acceptable solution