Abuse FAQs

Q. Why all the talk about women as victims of male violence? Don't women
use violence against men, too?

A. The reality is that domestic violence is an unequal crime and women are
the primary victims. The FBI estimates that 85% of partner violence victims
are female. Other data collected by the National Crime Victimization Survey
indicates that no matter what the rate of violence by gender, or who
initiates it, women are 7 to 10 times more likely than men to be injured.

Q. We know about the physical violence, but what else is a part of domestic
violence?

A. Domestic violence is rarely an isolated incident, but rather is a
pattern of coercive behavior using tactics such as emotional and verbal
abuse, threats and intimidation, isolation, and economic control to gain
power and control over the victim. In light of these other tactics that
produce fear, the use of violence need not occur often in order to make the
victim comply with her abuser’s demands.

Q. What happens if the abuse continues?

A. If nothing occurs to interrupt the pattern of abuse and violence, it is
likely to occur more often and the level of injuries sustained during an
incident will escalate over time. As the abuse becomes more severe, the
victim feels increasingly trapped in the relationship. Yet, it is also
during this same period that she increases her attempts to reach out for
help.

Q. Can we tell who is likely to use lethal violence against their partner?

A. Lethality assessment in domestic violence cases is the examination of
the abuser’s behavior and other indicators that may signal an increased
likelihood of lethal violence. The following should be taken into account
when assessing an abuser’s level of violence and risk of becoming lethal to
his partner: Threats of suicide or homicide; access to weapons; a recent or
impending separation; obsession with his partner; access to his partner; a
history of law enforcement involvement; and hostage-taking.

Q. Who are the victims?

A. The stereotype of a battered woman is someone who is poor, a racial or
ethnic minority, uneducated or undereducated, docile, meek and submissive.
She is portrayed as frightened and therefore likely to exaggerate or
overstate the problems she is experiencing with her partner. The reality is
that it cuts across all demographic, racial and ethnic lines. Battered woman
come from every class, race, or educational background. While she may be
docile or submissive, she is as likely to be angry about abuse and resentful
toward her partner for subjecting her to it. She may not display her fear to
others and may minimize the problem when confronted by friends of family.

Q. Why don’t battered women just leave and stay away?

A. Battered women stay for a variety of reasons: lack of resources; a
belief system that discourages or prohibits her from leaving; no place to go
if she leaves; hope that he will change his behavior; and/or fear that he
will carry out the threats to seriously harm or kill her. It is a mistake
for others to believe that leaving an abusive relationship will end the
violence. Violence often escalates at the time of separation and can
incorporate new behaviors, such as stalking, that are designed to force the
victim back into the relationship. Attempting to or leaving an abusive
partner substantially increases the risk of lethal violence.

Q. Who are these abusers?

A. Just as there are erroneous stereotypes about the victim, the abuser is
sometimes not who you think he is. He is frequently portrayed as poor, a
racial or ethnic minority, and either uneducated or under-educated. Many
assume that because he is violent toward his partner, he must be aggressive
and/or violent in his public behavior. On the contrary, abusers are found in
every social class and employment status, every race and ethnic background.
While they can behave like bullies, they are as likely to be civil to others
and perhaps even charming.

Q. What causes someone to abuse and control their partner?

A. Domestic violence is rarely caused by stress, anger out-of-control,
mental or emotional illness, dysfunction within the relationship, poor
communication skills, provocation on the part of the victim, or substance
and alcohol abuse. However, there is a correlation between substance use or
abuse prior to or during the incident, and an increased risk of serious
injury or death. While each of the factors named are frequently used as
excuses for and can exacerbate the violence, they do not cause domestic
violence.

Q. What happens to children in homes where one parent is abusing the other?

A. It is estimated that 85% of children who live in violent homes are
eyewitnesses, attempt to intervene, and/or experience the violence
themselves. Children in these homes are at greater risk due to deliberate or
inadvertent injury. In addition, these children experience a host of
emotional and psychological problems as a result of the violence between
parents.

Q. What works to end domestic violence?

A. When different agencies work together to improve their community's
response to domestic violence, it is referred to as a coordinated community
response. In some areas of the country, such efforts have brought about a
significant reduction in the number of serious domestic violence injuries
and deaths. At the core of a coordinated response is the shared belief that
domestic violence is a crime and should be taken seriously, that the victim
should be protected from further harm, and that creating meaningful
consequences for abusers is the best way to hold them accountable.